“Nothing can dim the light that shines from within.” Maya Angelou
I remember when I got my first chance to coach a client. It was exciting. At first, I was so happy and grateful since this was the only thing I wanted to do. You must think that I grabbed this opportunity and created a certain momentum. The truth is, I almost pulled away. Sounds irrational, doesn’t it?
During the next couple of weeks, I reviewed this situation in my head over and over again. As much as I didn’t want to admit it, I hold back because I struggled with my confidence. I decided to forget about all my experiences, my skills, tons of people I’ve helped over the years and buy into self-doubt.
I bet many of you reading this can resonate. It isn’t a special story in particular because there are thousands of people out there with a low self-confidence who believe that success belongs to someone else but not them. First, this is a total bullshit but we need to work on it a bit. Second, I am about to share with you 4 crucial things which can improve your confidence and help you in believing in you.
1. Shut down the noise
Haters and naysayers. Sometimes we love them but there are times when you need to shut them down. When people ridicule you, don’t support you or tell you that you can’t do something, often it is their lack of belief in something bigger and better. However, if this noise gets too loud, you may take it into consideration.
In the process of improving your self-confidence or even maintaining it, it’s crucial to choose what information you hear, read or learn and what people you surround yourself with. Any other noise which is not contributing to your self-belief needs to be shut down and ignored.
When I talk about shutting down the noise, I mean real strategic thinking about who is going to be close to you, what you will read or listen to, what affirmations you choose, whether you will focus on your past successes or failures, how much time you spent on social media observing others success while feeling bad about your own. This is a very common type of noise and you should minimize it to zero.
2. “Believe in you” isn’t just a corny phrase
How many times have you heard an expression “Believe in yourself?” How many times have you thought to yourself “How the heck am I supposed to do it?” Got ya. Corny stuff like this sometimes pisses me off too.
Let me ask you something. Why not you? Why can’t you do it? I want you to give me a solid answer. If that made you think hard, we are on the right path.
Now, find some social proof. I want you to pick a person who is wildly successful but their journey started off somewhere on your level or worse. If they made it, why can’t you? Again, solid answer, not some corny bullshit. Remember, we don’t like corny.
Often, we believe in someone else’s ability to do great things but we don’t believe in our own. We overate others but underestimate ourselves. Next time, when you doubt your skills and abilities, ask yourself “Why not me?”
“Anything is possible once you believe you are worthy of achieving it.” Jason Pockrandt
3. Begin with action
Building confidence is about proving to yourself that you can do it. You don’t need to succeed right at the beginning, it’s about taking action in the first place even if it means failing or messing up.
You may be thinking: “But when I fail, that’s going to reflect on my confidence.” Here, I want to go back to my coaching story. I didn’t fail there, I didn’t get rejected or laughed at or criticized but I failed to make a move in the right direction which hit my confidence really hard. It made me feel like a chicken.
Here is what you want to do. Stop thinking. Stop overthinking the outcome, what can go wrong or how you can embarrass yourself. Most of the time you succeed and if you fail, you still win because you had the courage to take a step. The courage itself will be an enormous bonus while rebuilding your confidence. Just take the step, even the tiny one.
4. The power of your support system
How powerful, supporting and encouraging is your closest network?
I am not telling you to go and burn all the bridges but I am convinced that sometimes, we have to cut people off and move on. This statement is something that I’ve been judged for a few times but I can’t help it. I do believe that sometimes, we have to love people from the distance.
You can meet those who simply don’t understand your vision and that’s why they can’t give you the support you need. Or there can be people who simply give up on their dreams and can’t live with the idea of you achieving yours. When it comes to confidence, especially the process of rebuilding your confidence, your support network will determine in a big way whether you level up or not.
Building confidence isn’t an easy job for many of us, especially when we haven’t had strong role models or powerful encouragement throughout life. However, it is a skill we all can develop if we pay close attention to our feelings, thoughts, and people around us.
Stop waiting around and stop doubting yourself. Make the decision that you are going to change, that you are going to believe in yourself. If someone else can achieve their dreams, if they can walk down the street with the strong posture, thinking, “I got this. I can do it.” Why not you? At this point, it is all matter of a practice.
How do you maintain healthy confidence? Leave a comment below.
My name is Silvia and I teach people how to turn their pain into power. My personal struggle inspired me to help people in living a powerful and fulfilling life which they create and control. You can find out more of my story by visiting my personal page www.silviaturon.com. Also, there is a FREE gift waiting for you. See you there!